Chapter 1

Boundaries

We have to take personal responsibility for how others treat us.

part 1: accurate description of actions and behaviors by that person and how it makes you feel

If complex must be descriptive as possible to show things from our perspective.

You can’t control what happens on other’s faces but you can find out the reason for it and either accept it or not allow this attitude/behavior around you.

part 2: find the reason for this attitude and/or actions and a solution

You begin by stating the problem. That normally begins with a ‘when you’ statement that is followed by the actions of that person. Remember that you are not the emotion, so instead of saying I am hurt; you state, “I feel hurt because of your actions”. And hopefully, this begins an honest discussion about the underlying problem and begins correction of the attitude and actions of the person.

Part 3 boundary enforcement

Boundaries help us prioritize where we spend our time and energy

We all have a choice with everything we do, or don’t do. Since we own our choices, we are already empowered to begin taking responsibility for our lives.

Say hello and converse for five minutes, explain I have a meeting, if they continue to talk, remind them of my meeting, and if this conversation is truly important, ask them to contact another time.

When we deal with people we love, it can be difficult to set boundaries because we are scared that they might get angry or not love us anymore. We are all allowed to have boundaries and if someone truly loves you, they will understand, accept, and respect your boundaries.

By placing boundaries and being able to say no, the things that you say yes to become that much more important.

Chapter 2

Negative energy suckers

People that bring you down emotionally through their negative view of world. Like those on way out in Japan.

Often don’t notice until too late. Signs – feel tense and guarded. Want to get away. Start with them feeling energetic, feel bad. Feel under attack or scrutiny. Feel confined or constricted. Muscle pain, headache.

How to deal with negative people.

Can’t make people change.

12 strategies

Identify why they are negative. Helps to deal with it.

Don’t allow under skin. Don’t add emotion. Conscious observer. Observe the situation we are in. Unhappiness and negativity theirs, not ours. Don’t take ownership.

Ask them to tell you something positive.

Next step after problem – what is their solution.

Heart to heart. Calmly explain how their behaviour is affecting you.

Affirmations – short, present tense, positive. I am creating a positive space for myself and others.

Visualise shield – force field deflecting negative attacks.

Remember you are a good person. When people make negative, nasty comments to you, visualize them hitting that protective shield and being thrown off.

People can be our mirrors. Sometimes the people that push our buttons the most can be good teachers. When we see things in others that we don’t like, it should compel us to search within ourselves for those similar traits. Why are we allowing the actions or words of others get to us? If don’t learn, will get repeating mirrors – same lesson or feeling from multiple people through life. Same lesson repeated. When we learn will become stronger and grow as a person.

You don’t have to listen to and solve everyone’s problems. They need to figure out and fix things on their own.

Listen to breathing and take deep breaths. Positive in, negative out. Connects to how body is feeling in the moment.

Get up and move around – extended sessions. Take a break, get out of situation.

Last, if all else fails, get out.

If nothing works with people ask has this relationship ever benefited you? Does it still? If not why are you still engaged in it? Is this a mirror?

If not need to move on. These relationships prevent us from moving on to next stage in life. Breaking ties necessary for growth towards true conscious calling.

Day 3

Mindfulness

Awareness back from past or future.

Thinking mind takes us out of the present, out of reality.

When we are aware of our surroundings, we are able to experience them clearly and truthfully.

In the thinking mind, we have preconceived notions, make assumptions, make judgments, and place expectations on people and outcomes.

Ways to achieve:

Breathing – observation occupies thinking mind

Way of the dog – look at everything as if first time you’ve seen it.

Focus on task you are doing

Complete clarity – wash dishes etc.

Driving – observe, don’t think.

Day 4

Expectations

When we place expectations on outcomes we place a high price on our happiness.

When we place expectations and specifications upon an event we create a mind-formed event.

Vacation – plan basics but don’t get upset if it’s a bit different than in picture. Live in moment.

When we place expectations and specifications upon anything in our lives, we can be disappointed.

Same with people. in reality it isn’t others who let us down; we cause ourselves to be let down due to our expectations.

Instead of expecting people to do things or to act a certain way, we must concentrate on ourselves, and what we should be doing. When we expect certain things from others, we can get hurt and disillusioned.

Work to better yourself, let others make mistakes and don’t be disappointed.

accept the unexpected and don’t allow others’ actions to take you off course. Umbrella.

Do what you want to do as far as reaching out, if nothing comes back so what. Feel good about your expression.

Go with the flow = open to all life has to offer.

The only person we should put expectations on is ourself, and those expectations should be attainable.

Day 5

Love yourself

Self-love is mandatory for achieving your true life.

If we don’t love ourselves, we can’t truly love another.

To truly love someone unconditionally, we must truly love ourselves unconditionally. Unconditional love is love that is given all the time no matter what and has no strings.

If you don’t love yourself…who will?

good relationship with the person you’re with 24/7

No battles inside = easier to deal with the world

We will find other people that love themselves and have good relationships.

When we love ourselves we are able to make good choices for ourselves. Lifestyle, drinking etc.

How to love ourselves?

Hush internal critic

Bully in a way. Main step is to observe it. If observed will go away.

Be a friend to yourself

Treat friends with respect and love

Deal with personal denial

What are the reoccurring issues we are dealing with? Do we have patterns in our lives? Do we have unhealthy patterns that we must stop? Are we denying issues/problems in our lives? Do we blame others for the things we do? Do you blame others for things that happen to you? Do we continue the same negative life patterns but constantly expect different outcomes and results?

Confronting hard but makes us better.

Connect with your core

accept ourselves for who we truly are.

meditation, yoga, prayer, exercise, focusing on our breathing, practicing mindfulness. Connect to core, focus energy on positive things

ways to help us like ourselves and begin to love ourselves

choose your media intake wisely

Don’t consume things that celebrate misery, don’t let media pressure you to be a certain way

care about your health

Exercise, nutrition

Mushroom immune system

vitamin D, flax seed oil, and elderberry

observe, evaluate, change or delete the negative influences in your life

Do you have any outside influences that are negatively influencing your life? Can you identify them? How are they negatively influencing you? Why are you allowing that around you?

Media

People

Changing the situation begins with changing how we react to what they say, do, or not do. Because we don’t control others, we can’t control how they act, what they do, and what they say.

When things make you sad, figure out why

Consume beauty, not ugliness

Boundaries, ditch people.

sometimes, put yourself first

Oxygen mask.

spend time enjoying you

Spend time being happy by yourself

When we love ourselves, we take care of ourselves and make time for ourselves.

Take your time and be present

When we begin to fully love ourselves, we are happy, healthy, beautiful, and wise people. Half of life’s battle is over, because we have ended the battle with ourselves. Wherever you go, you will project a wonderful feeling that others will catch on to. You will be at peace with yourself and more at peace with your surroundings.

Day 6

Be yourself (and who are you?)

what makes you a unique individual?

Values

We use our personal values to determine our actions.

Theories

Our theories on life and why we are here make us unique.

why we are here and who put us here

Best thing about theory, can change with new information.

Beliefs

Belief  = we hold a thought or opinion in high regard based on experience and/or evidence.

we have the ability to believe, we are able to grasp and understand other things even when we haven’t experienced them. When we believe something, we can relate to it.

Experiences

iences

Our experiences are unique, which allow us to see the world differently than others see the world. Some of our experiences can be life changing and make us reevaluate our theories, beliefs, and values. It’s not until we realize another’s experiences that we are able to understand why a person acts a certain way.

Our experiences have molded us into the people we are today.

People don’t believe your experience can lead to conflict and from there into group think.

The past

The past that we have experienced and lived through truly places its mark on our present attitudes, our lifestyles, our choices, and our actions.

We can definitely recount past experiences and learn from them but we must remember that the past is the past; we shouldn’t wallow in it or hide there.

The present

Live in the moment, not the past. Learn from mistakes but don’t live in fear.

Environment

Living in a peaceful and clean environment is necessary to improve our quality of life. Don’t stay in shitty environment, should do what we can to help improve.

Friends

The friends we select have a huge impact on our lives, theories, beliefs, experiences, and the present moment.

Family

Influence who we are. Learn from successes and failures

Emotions

When we begin to judge others by their faults, we begin to put up walls and barriers between love and us.

Only two emotions, love and fear. Everything else subsets.

Love is living in the moment

fear is the most basic and most powerful human emotion.

How to get love? Choose it.

Albert Einstein said, “The single most important decision any of us will ever make is whether or not to believe the universe is friendly.”

Don’t be a victim of fear

Identify with emotion

When you identify with an emotion you can begin to see that emotion within you. In order to love, we must realize that we are love. Love is abundance and not scarcity.

All of the fear-based emotions are very empty and emotionally draining. When we work from a scarcity principle, we never have enough and we are always fearful that we will soon run out. When we are fearful, we cut ourselves off from others and are alone.

don’t live in the thinking mind

when all else fails, look in the mirror and smile

Once you have established love as your chosen emotion, you can begin to take on an even more powerful and strengthened role in life;

Day 7

No time machine, make the most of your time

Being a mindful active participant in life means that on a daily basis we must focus on our dreams, pursuits, aspirations, making a difference, striving to love in a more unconditional way, choosing love over fear, not living in the thinking mind, not placing expectations on everything and everyone, and living in the present moment and being an active participant not a spectator.

Remind yourself daily of goals.

Start by writing goals, underneath, why you want to achieve that.

Put somewhere you will see every day.

Next, turn the page and write down the resources, skills, knowledge, and materials that you already possess that will help you achieve your goal.

After you have done that, turn the page and write what it is you can do to get closer to achieving your goal.

When we just dream about what we want in our lives and not map out our course of action, we become overwhelmed and less likely to achieve it.

The journey to a goal is not just a means to an end; love every minute of it. Remember to laugh and have fun.

Make a difference.

Be good, tell people you care about them. Don’t say bad shit.

choose love over fear

When we truly love someone, we must look beyond their faults and love them for them.

It seems easier to love our friends more unconditionally then our family, spouse, or children, but we must try to do the same. It seems we place more standards and conditions on the closest people in our lives.

The more we love unconditionally the less we are hurt others’ actions or inactions.

In the same way, we must love ourselves unconditionally and not find constant fault. We must be able to forgive others and ourselves when mistakes are made. I believe that we are the hardest on ourselves and because of that we put high standards on others.

When we choose love over fear our lives get better, happier, and easier. The world seems to be a friendlier place and dealing with the day-to-day issues aren’t struggles anymore. When we choose love, we choose to accept people, and we reap the benefits of being whole and happy. Everything around us might not be perfect but we must not focus on the things that aren’t perfect, we must focus on the things that are going right in our lives.

Is the idea of perfection just another way to get us farther away from whom we truly are, to find drama and unhappiness instead of peacefulness, and to ultimately find fault in others and ourselves?

Being loving and generous is much easier than being fearful and angry all the time.

Being loving and generous is much easier than being fearful and angry all the time.

When we love and are positive even our health seems to get better, we are more relaxed and easy going. When we stop placing conditions and expectations on others, we begin to enjoy life more. These conditions and expectations are attributes of the thinking mind and do not allow us to be mindful and present.

stop living in the thinking mind

When we are thinking about the past, we are not growing or progressing, and we aren’t even participating in life.

The thinking mind puts up barriers between yourself and others, and the present moment can’t penetrate it without us stepping in, observing the thinking mind, letting those thoughts go, and getting back into the moment we’ve been given.

Day 8

You are what you eat

Even if you aren’t paying attention to something on the television or the radio, your subconscious mind always is.

If you think of your mind in terms of a computer, the images and content on the screen is your conscious mind and everything on your hard drive is your subconscious mind. Everything that we see and hear gets stored in our subconscious mind.

Don’t watch too much tv, don’t watch shit tv. Fuck the news. Makes you feel helpless.

Listen to positive music.

everything we allow into our brains, which is anything we are around, can and will infiltrate our daily thoughts and have the ability to contaminate our happy and positive nature.

Everything we expose ourselves to can be placed in our subconscious and those subconscious thoughts can become subconscious beliefs. Thoughts become beliefs when you hear them enough and give those same thoughts energy, like negative affirmations.

how to change our subconscious beliefs

identify the negative beliefs or problem beliefs you are holding onto

Write down statements that we remember hearing from our parents while growing up. Write down things that we say to ourselves and also write down things that we hear others tell us.

Once we put together this list, we can begin to test these beliefs to see how strong they are within us.

testing these negative/problem beliefs

Applied Kinesiology

Meditate on each belief

replacing negative beliefs with new positive beliefs

Change ourselves, will have knock on effect to those around us, society.

You are the only person that can make your life grand and interesting; watching others do it will not help.

Day 9

Doing what is right for you within moderation

In order to successfully achieve our goals, we must have an emotional and compelling reason for achieving them. Our goals must move us into immediate action.

Unrealistic goals are wishes.

Moderation is the process of eliminating or lessening extremes. Going back to ancient Greek times, the temple of Apollo at Delphi bore the inscription: Meden Agan, which means, Nothing in excess.

In order for the concept of moderation to work in your life, you first must be able to verbalize what in your life is most important, and name your responsibilities.

List daily responsibilities in order of priority

After correctly fulfilling our responsibilities on a daily basis, we are then allowed what I refer to as personal time within moderation.

With regards to everything you do, if done to excess, you cause an imbalance that eventually causes pain in your life. In order to have personal clarity and to be empowered, you must do what is right for you.

If your life becomes imbalanced in one area, it creates problems in all other areas of your life.

When we practice moderation, we allow balance in our lives.

Through the use of moderation, we are able to slow down or even stop something we are doing that isn’t bettering us. It becomes something that we don’t want to do anymore or as much, because we have found our true life, our true calling, not because we can’t do that thing anymore, but instead we have chosen not to.

When we have realized our true calling and our true self, we no longer want to fill our time with the things that don’t better us and don’t bring us closer to our true self.

Over time, as you get closer to achieving your life goals, and experience the excitement and energy that this gives you, you will eliminate the need and cravings you have that make you want to engage in behavior that moves you in the opposite direction. The closer we get to achieving our goals, the less we want to get off target.

Just because you choose to not do something anymore doesn’t change the fact that you think you want to do it. When you truly look within yourself and figure out why you do that certain something, you can then moderate or stop that because of the knowledge you derive from yourself and not from fear or disillusionment. By going inside ourselves to seek the answers for why we do something, we are able to examine our motives and emotions and establish a healthy moderation, or stop this activity in its entirety; taking this approach will result in self-control through self-knowledge, as opposed to fear.

In order to get to the root of why we do something, we must take an honest look at ourselves and the particular chosen activity or thing. We must ask ourselves deep personal questions and allow ourselves to come forth with truthful and honest answers, no matter how they sound or make us feel.

what am I getting out of this particular activity?

Is this activity allowing for physical, mental, or spiritual growth? Is this activity aiding in the unwinding and relaxation process in my life? Does this activity charge my batteries and allow me to take care of my responsibilities? Or does this activity take away from me and leave me tired? Do I spend too much energy dealing with this activity in my life? Is this activity becoming a chore or another responsibility?

why do I choose this for myself?

Why have I selected this activity for myself?

Why have I allowed this to occupy my time?

Am I truly doing what is best for me?

Does this help me in some way?

Does this activity add balance to my life?

When you drink, gamble, etc., how true am I being to myself? Is this who I am? By the way, who am I?

True friends will not allow us to believe in our lies.

If you are participating in an activity solo, you must ask yourself if this is healthy. Why alone?

Can I stop anytime?

First, does this activity help you escape or to avoid dealing with your feelings? Are you choosing to run from your feelings or cover them up? If so, why?

These feelings must be dealt with now before they manifest into something larger and harder to come to grips with.

When we allow something to take over our lives, we have basically allowed that thing to take our identity.

When we self-regulate, we take on an active role, not a passive role, in order to make our lives better and attain the life goals we have set out for ourselves.

When we are truly motivated towards a goal, our anticipated fulfillment of that goal provides the needed motivation to continue on until the goal is reached

When we are dealing with long-term goals, we should divide them into smaller goals or milestones in order to stay motivated and positively focused.

Positive reinforcement after success

Unfortunately, these addictions cannot fill anything. They are being used as a masking tool to prevent you from exploring the void and understanding why it exists and what it is made up of.

Day 10

Day 1

Boundaries

30 min to an hour for yourself

Live with intent. Don’t waste time on negative activities or people.

Make the most of life

Place boundaries in relationships, be aware when falling into traps.

Challenges are opportunities to improve at making boundaries

Enforce boundaries, don’t go back or appear weak

No is an option

Yes with intent. Details and follow through.

Day 2

Energy suckers

Bad stuff happens to everyone

Don’t dwell on it, move past it, otherwise one bad thing leads to a bad day, leads to a bad week…Stop the bad energy immediately to stay on track and to keep the right perspective. If something goes bad, not to your liking, always re-focus your energy positively to successfully avoid other possible pitfalls.

When you become aware that others are energy suckers, you can begin protecting yourself and/or work to remove yourself from their company. With this knowledge will be able to identify more.

You can’t change others…you can only change your self.

Develop your forcefield

Stop negative cycle after dealing with negative person. Breathing etc, reset.

Recognise mirrors. When you’ve identified similarities and changed yourself they may be amusing to you rather than irritating.

Day 3

Be mindful

You are realizing that you and your thoughts aren’t the same.

Present during tasks

day 4

expectations are overrated

You can make appointments and schedule a trip but don’t place the expectations. Stop manufacturing those mind formed ideas and outcomes that inevitably get in the way of your happiness. Because when the event or trip actually takes place, it will be a let down.

Stop letting your self down by expecting people to act a certain way or do a certain thing. Instead remember to concentrate on you, and what you are doing, not what they are doing. When we expect certain things from others, we get hurt and disillusioned.

Let others make mistakes.

Accept the unexpected

Go with the flow – a change is an opportunity

day 5

do you love your self?

Unconditional love is paramount and places no perimeters or agility test on you or others.

And when you truly love your self, you will be in wonderful, unconditional loving relationships that last and bring you up, not beat you down.

Hush your inner critic NOW.

Take care of body and mind daily

day 6

be your self and by the way, who are you?

Know values

You are working daily to eliminate fear in your life.

You have acknowledged your past…

You are making life changes…

…and responsible personal choices to have and embrace a quality friend base. You are a beautiful person who deserves loving and caring friends.

Remember, if all else fails, look in the mirror and smile.

Day 7

No time machine

Focusing a few minutes a day, on your dreams, pursuits, and aspirations.

make a difference in the world.

Choose love over fear

day 8

you are what you eat…you are what you see and hear

Day 8 teaches you that everything you see and hear is stored in your subconscious mind.

Take up or look into hobby to reduce screen time.

Day 9

Moderation

You are now able to identify and name your responsibilities, schedule your time correctly, carry out your responsibilities, create realistic goals, and you have a balanced and well-rounded life.

You know the things in your life that need to be moderated…

You are being honest with your self…

…and honestly evaluating your life as balanced or not balanced. You are becoming aware of any voids in your life.

You are emotionally organized.

You know your daily responsibilities and others’ outside responsibilities and you are taking care of them in a timely and efficient manner.

On completion of a large milestone you remember to give your self a treat…